Epiphany
by boudour
Summary: But someone has to live up to the fabulousness that was me!" AU of a certain scene in the 2.2O


**Disclaimer:** Don't own cr*****p. (does that make this _not _a PG-13 anymore? ^^)

**A/N:** This had been sitting in my computer for ages -ever since the 2.20 aired actually- and it was my very first attempt at writing a VM fic. As I was feeling nostalgic, I decided to finish and post it.

* * *

His fingers brush her cheek and something melts inside her. His last words are still ringing in her head and reality spins. She tries to steady her breath as she looks in his hazel eyes and sees all the hope, the yearning, the desire.

Waves of emotions are raging in his eyes, threatening to submerge her at any moment.

She could get lost in the intensity of his gaze. It overwhelms her.

She is caught in a maelstrom of emotions and can't seem to find solid ground. So she drifts away.

As he leans closer, she feels his hot breath on her skin, caressing her with promises, stirring unbidden feelings...

Waves of electric shivers shoot down her spine.

_"I... have to go. I have.. to.. go..."_

She barely notices people around her as she bumps into them on her way to the elevator, her walk unsteady, her movements barely coordinated. A few 09ers point at her and smirk at her obvious drunkenness. She hasn't touched her glass but she feels intoxicated. She can still feel his eyes on her, burning a way through her heart, and she knows that if she doesn't flee, she _will_ drown.

His last desperate look is haunting her as she runs away from him, from her, from them, from what "them" could mean...

***

All of a sudden, she finds herself panting, watching feverishly the numbers light on and off as the elevator makes his way up. She is not sure how she made it out of the room. All she knows is that she is safe now.

Or at least safer than inside. Because despite her best efforts, she can't run from herself.

A door creaks behind her, and she quickly spins around before letting out a sigh -of relief or disappointment, she couldn't say- as Madison sneaks into the suite contiguous to the penthouse.

She flinches again as the bell rings and the elevator doors open. She stares into it absentmindedly for a few seconds before rushing in between the closing doors.

_Get yourself together Marrrrs. _A voice drawls.

_You look like a freakin' dear caught in headlights. _Amusement tinges the voice now.

And then, a low whisper. _So not sexy._

Lilly, always the one for inappropriate comments.

_Since you're the one for denial... _A throaty and sultry laugh echoes.

_You wouldn't want **me** to encroach on your territory, right? _

Veronica can't help but give a weak chuckle "Nope. I'm afraid I couldn't compete with the fabulous Lilly Kane."

The laughter stops.

_Well, duh. _She swears she hears her roll her eyes.

_But someone has to try to live up to the fabulousness that was me, _the voice teases.

_Besides, _it adds in a gentler voice, _that's like soooo not your problem right now. You gotta let bygones wash under the bridges or whatever girl! It's such ancient history._

A heavy sigh escapes her lips and she stays silent for a while before stating in a quiet voice.

"No, just the start of our history of blood-shed and ruined lives" Her heart wrenches a bit at the involuntary quote.

_Sure, but 'Epic' remember? _

As Lilly takes on her mock serious voice, she can picture a tiny smirk curving full lips and blue eyes ablaze with mischievous amusement.

_Now here's one for flights of poetry._

"I'm thinking, not my thing?" Veronica answers in the same sardonic voice. God, she'd missed their antics.

_Wow Veronica Mars, you really are one for denial huh? _She can feel her prancing around now, like a wolf circling the stupid lamb that didn't flee when he still could.

_Don't tell me you didn't loooove it! What with all the romantic stuff? You still are a marshmallow you know! _

At that she can't help but smile. Lilly always knew her better than she did herself.

_Come on dorkus, doesn't it get a bit old? He chases you, you flee... I mean, tease much?_

She also knows how stubborn she can get. "But that was just Logan being, being..."

_What? _The voice smoothly cuts, and she can hear the chiming.

Veronica bites her lip as she mulls it over. No snarky comment, no snide remarks. Just plain, outward sincerity.

_Exactly the kind of thing you can deal with and which **doesn't** make you bolt right? _Sometimes she just hates Lilly and her smugness.

Despite her best efforts, his speech keeps on echoing in her brain.

His words had sunk into her, leaving a trail of confusion, words she never thought he would ever utter. Words she had refused herself to expect from him a long time ago.

"That's Logan, _just_ Logan_." _she tells herself over and over again, like a mantra. As if repeating the incantation would somehow make it true.

_Right, and I hear black is the new pink! _

Ah, the fashion metaphor, Lilly only uses it to irk her when she thinks Veronica is being hopelessly obtuse and obstinate for obstinateness' sake.

Which she is not!

The doors of the elevator open, chiming, bringing her back to reality.

She exits and doesn't look back even as a whisper follows her out.

_Take care Veronica Mars..._

Her decision was made before she even realized it really.

***

The elevator doors closed behind her and she had yet to take a step. One thing she couldn't escape from was this truth: Drama follows them around.

As she took the first damning step towards the penthouse, she prayed to God that this would prove as false as his existence.

Time seemed to have slowed down, her every moves idle while her brain seemed to be tapped in cotton, everything blurry but for one thought: find him. If she could find him now, then everything would be okay. If not...

She wouldn't let herself dwell on that thought, she was good at denial right?

She strode purposefully towards the penthouse door, her stride quickening as she came closer. Heart in her throat, she opened the door and scanned the room, seeking desperately the tall familiar silhouette.

The room was full with couples idly dancing and she couldn't see him anywhere.

_Why won't those jerks move_!

She swept past them, between them, eyes always frantically searching. She didn't know what she would tell him when she would find him-when, not if!- But she could feel the urge to see him, talk to him, feel him, growing inside her by the second, suffocating every other thought. She would make him understand how she felt, even if she didn't know it herself.

The rooms were both Logan-free and she could sense the despair dawning on her. But Mars don't surrender easily. She hopped on the nearest table and looked feverishly all around. She wanted to scream out his name but her voice would be muffled if not by the music, by the cracking that teared at her throat.

She stumbled out of the table, her vision blurry. She was too late.

Once again she let him down when he opened up to her. She had one chance, one opportunity, and she let it slip.

And all around her couples kept dancing, ignorant of her pain.

***

She turned around and hit something, hard. Or rather someone. A soft hand brushed her cheek away and as she looked, she saw Logan's concerned eyes looking at her. If she hadn't been sure before, the concern in his eyes made it clear now. He had always been there for her, and ever would be. It was all she needed to know.

His mouth met hers halfway. Her soft lips crushed his before opening and completing their embrace in a ravenous way. Her body was pressed hard against his and he soon lifted her up in his arms. She clung to his shoulders tighter than necessary while they resumed their frenetic embrace. She couldn't let go off him for her life. She breathed the scent of him, breathed him and it was more nurturing than oxygen. She traced his massive shoulders, his neck, the soft contours of his face again and again, never wanting to let go.

He suddenly hit the wall, hard, and let out a tiny groan in her throat. She backed out.

"Are you okay?" she whispered breathlessly.

"Never better." His eyes were as deep as the ocean and she surrendered completely, plunging in them without restraint. "Never better" he breathed, surprise tingling his voice.

And then, as someone pulled out of a reverie he suddenly shook his head "We should talk."

"Now?" She asked coyly, arching an eyebrow.

A genuine smile curved his lips. He leaned in the crook of her neck and whispered into her ear before kissing her:

"The things girls would say to get past second base..."

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**A/N: **_This is my very first fic so I'd love if you could leave a quick (or not so quick) comment to let me know if I should even try writing other fics or if I should just go jump off my own arse and die ^^_


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